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The Characters

There are quite a few characters in this story. It is now time to meet them all.

Please Note. Because of their highly volatile natures and the fact that they are 'Wanted' by authorities across the globe, the identity of these wiener offenders has been temporarily covered up for your safety.

Bio: First on the scene, as we know it, in the early 19th century.

K.F.(known for): 'Krazy' Killer Ketchup has the tempermental ability to stay stuck in the bottle only to (after a few shakes) explode suddenly straight out of the bottle covering everything in sight -- usually leaping onto white items first! Recognized for his manaical cackling laughter and mental instability, along with his insatiable desire to cover everything in sight. Wanted for overdrowning foods and making a total mess.

M.M.M.(most memorable moment): Seriously staining a white linen suit of a famous actress, and creating and emotional meltdown of said actress. We are not at liberty to reveal the identity of this very famous person, but can safely say she is still in therapy due to this terrifying incident.

Bio: First on the scene by being cultivated in India around 3,000 B.C.E., and has been angry ever since.

K.F.: Staining clothes beyond repair.
Getting angry and, as a result, having mustard leak out of his twist-cap creating a total crusty mess.

M.M.M.: Getting in the eye of president Bush at a picnic and making him cry.

Bio: First on the scene England 1798.

K.F.: His cranky sour pickle face attitude as well as his controlling bully nature. We think this is a result of being the least favorite of the condiments coupled with the fact that he consists of vegetables stewing in vinegar (who's sour taste does not contribute to a sunny disposition). He also enjoys torturing and embarassing fresh vegetables every chance he gets.

M.M.M.: Coming out of a dispenser in a huge clump clearly overshadowing the other condiments on the hot dog and making a little girl cry.

Bio: First on the scene in 1904 in St. Louis.

K.F.: Going mouldy or stale at inopportune times, or simply being nowhere to be found when you need one. Also guilty of being sold in packages too small so you always have too many wieners and not enough buns.

M.M.M.: His film debut in the famous Concession Stand Video. (See our Story page for a clip of what we feel is a demeaning video from the wiener's perspective.)

And Now... The moment you have all been waiting for... Drumroll please...


Bio: First on the scene in 9th century Greece, rumor has it that he had a heavy influence on the famous storyteller Homer. As a result, he was featured in some of his major works -- like the Oddyssey.

K.F.: His honesty, his integrity, his variety of forms. His unwavering super hero attitude to help all those in need, to one day be liberated from oppression everywhere.

M.M.M.: The 'Oscar Mayer Wiener' song. Finally a song extolling the true virtues of our hero.

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